Finding that balance between the practical, responsible part of me and that of the wild woman that exists within has been a long time coming. For most of my life, I erred on the side of the former as many of us tend to do. I looked to the social cues around me to tell me who to be and how to fit in. Don’t get me wrong – social acceptance is an important part of life…but not when these social cues stem from advertisements and other money-making schemes that are ultimately designed to tell us that we are not good enough, instilling a sense of fear of being the outcast. It is so easy to blur the lines between those types of social cues versus the ones that naturally exist; those that urge us to simply relate to one another so that we can enjoy the experience of true connection with another human being.
I’m sorry that I allowed myself to get so confused between the two, but I don’t blame myself…not one bit. Because now that I have lived on both sides, I have such a deep sense of gratitude for having made it to where I am now.
In having the courage to break from the life I lived, I had to also accept that there might be a period of solitude; that those who knew me within my stricter social confines might turn their back to me.
She’s changed. She’s different now. She’s crazy. Hippie. Tree-hugger. Irresponsible. Not in touch with reality.
Oh, but dear grasshopper. I’ve seen both sides now and I can tell you without a doubt that true reality is over here. Allowing oneself to be who one is meant to be takes energy away from that pull of ‘Wait…what is expected of me now?’ and instead places that energy towards living in the moment and being in flow with one’s true purpose instead of the superficial ‘reality’ that begs for attention with the promise of fame, glory and, above all, fitting in.
After my period of solitude and once I emerged as a different sort of butterfly, I discovered that there are many of us out there. There are those of us who will allow you fit in just by being you. There are those of us who will love you no matter what. We will not judge you and we will not shame you. Maybe I am a part of your tribe. Maybe I am not. Either way…your tribe exists and is waiting for you.
The road will not be easy. It will not be fast. You will constantly doubt yourself as you break free. You will feel vulnerable and naked for much of the time.
However, I urge you to keep the faith. One day, you will realize that the ‘self’ who you so desperately held onto was never actually the real YOU. It was who you had been told to be.
You may fear that in discovering your wild side, you will abandon all sense of practicality. Maybe you will for a time. But you will also come back towards that delicate center of balance when it is meant to be.
That is where I am these days; Perfecting the balance between what is practical and what is wild…And I think I’m doing a pretty fucking good job because my satisfaction with life, sheer happiness and capacity for love just keeps expanding…I hope it never stops.